Wednesday, 18 November 2015

Steroids, Diet,Weight, Exercise and Outburst...

The last couple of days have been awful for me coming down off the steroids. My head has been all over the place and feeling dizzy a lot and my insides felt like it was racing away all the time, so I had been trying to rest quite a bit and I went to bed early the last couple of nights too because my concentration was bad and I could hardly keep my eyes open. The energy I had due to the steroids has left me now and I'm back to normal. I say normal, what I mean is normal for me which isn't like other people who have lots more energy than I do.
I have tried to keep my weight down while on the steroids and have succeeded too, plus I've lost a few lbs too since starting the steroids. I will do my level best to keep dieting and do a few light exercises too. I have been doing some light exercises while on the steroids and I'm doing ok so far.

There was another little outburst from ? this morning. He has been trying hard to rub me up the wrong way since he arrived here earlier this morning, a dig here and a dig there. And, I didn't say a word. He kept on and on at me, trying to provoke me and I told him to shut his mouth up. Well, that done it for sure! He retaliated back at me and it went on back and forth until I said, just say what you like, I'm not listening to you. And, he carried on with his bitterness. A little afterwards he stopped. I said nothing more, I just ignored him. I think, he thinks, hes won me over...Huh, Its a joke the way he carries on.
I tell ya what, ? has grown into his father.  ? is just like his father now because his father was nasty and always picking and if there was nothing wrong, he would create something to be wrong so as he could pick and moan or hurt people around him. That is who ? is reminding me of now...A nasty bastard!!

Thursday, 12 November 2015

Weight and Steroids...Christmas Isn't Far Off.

Well, my weight went up yet again. I am now on Prednisolone steroids since yesterday and have to take 6 tablets daily for 5 days and, I know I HAVE to drastically cut down on my food intake. 
Its funny ya know!? because I do find it really easy to cut down on foods and leave out all bad stuff too when on steroids, only because I know how they had affected me in the past, my weight just ballooned up in past years so, these days I know I have to change my diet drastically so that I can lose some weight or just stay as I am. So far I have lost 2.lbs since yesterday already, weight that I had actually gained over the last week. As long as it goes down in-stead of up I am happy. 
I have been having this anxious feeling come over me, a lot lately, mainly because of stress around me. Although my X-Ray was clear, my GP advised me to take my Antibiotics and Prednisolone steroids that I have already got as an emergency pack as my chest sounded a bit wheezy when he examined me.
I will have to order another emergency pack so that I have got them in stock if I need them over the winter months.

I've got to make a double appointment with the GP in three weeks time so he can check me over again and for me to tell him about my memory loss getting worse. I told the GP that was what I had actually made the appointment for yesterday was about my memory, that's when he said make a double appointment to see him.

Christmas isn't far off really, I just haven't got any idea about what to do about anything. My mind just won't take anything in, I feel so confused about it all, I have done so for so long now. I see people arranging this and that, and what am I doing? nothing! I feel so lost as to what to do. 
Christmas don't mean much to me and hasn't done so for a long while.  I will only be giving money as presents as I have done for quite a few years now. Trouble is, I've got to cut back on the amount I give out now as my money resources has gotten tighter now.

Well, that's my ranting over until next time.    

Monday, 9 November 2015

Verbal Abusive

This past week my mind has been all over the place, I didn't know whether I was coming or going half the time. I've been like this for longer, but this past week I have felt this feeling much stronger 
I have noticed this more because of ? being around me more this week as his wife is away (not that I want him here, he makes sure he is here never mind how I feel about him being around me) on holiday. I am pleased that his wife will be back home today, because ? always seems to be more calmer.
Last week ? was really nasty to me. I know he is ill ( his mental state has been really bad, much worse than it has been for a long while ) He put his face up close to me and threatened to kill me all because I was cold and I wanted the heating on and he was hot and wanted the heating turned off. All I said was, no I'm not turning the heating off and he jumped up from his chair and put his fact close to mine with angry verbal threats and hurtful verbal abuse. I stayed calm, looked him in the eyes and told him 'touch me and I will have you nicked' I said this very calmly. He could have actually hurt me from that moment. I think he must have thought about this and after a while he was nice to me. I didn't get any apology  from him though, I never do when he goes like this, but I don't care about that, I just want him to leave me alone. 

? went to see his GP yesterday Monday. ? must have told the GP about how he is feeling mentally because the GP wanted him in hospital in-case ? harmed himself or others ( is unusually verbal abusive to me and others and has already lashed out and hit a couple of people which was uncalled for) and gave him a phone no to ring so an ambulance would come and pick him up. Not that he would ring it himself. I asked for the phone no. and ? refused to give it to me.

Saturday, 7 November 2015

Menacing Behaviour

Yesterday was a bad day for me. It all started off when ? came round about He was in a right mood and his depressive illness showed on him. 
I put the heating on as I was feeling so cold and shaky with it, I may have a chest infection which is more likely. Anyway, a bit later ? asked me to urn the heating off, but I was still feeling cold so I did not turn it off. ? said, did you hear what I said turn the heating off and I said I was cold and told him to put the fan on  facing him. No sooner had I said this, he got up and put his face in mine, he looked at me menacingly and threatened to kill me if I didn't do what he said. I didn't retaliate, just sat there calmly and said, touch me and I will phone the police. 
The verbal intimidation and patronizing menacing behaviour went on for quite some time, but I still stayed calm and let it flow through me.
It all left me in a right mood for the rest of the day although I kept my thoughts and feelings to myself.
? had to go and see his GP yesterday, late morning too and he told him how his illnesses are affecting him and what is happening to him and how he is towards others and  the GP wanted him in hospital there and then because he thinks ? will harm himself or others. 
I think ? had time to think while he was out, because when he got back here he was nice, he was calm. I made a couple of appointments for him and phoned the GP again for him because the GP had forgotten the letter for the psychiatrist and something else which I can't think of right now. The GP phoned ? back and he wanted ? to go back and see him straight away, so he did. When ? returned he went round the clinic to have his X-Ray done. 
Today, ? seems a bit better in himself. I don't know how long this will last though because he could turn on a penny.
I will just take things as they come and do my own thing and keep myself to myself which I always try to do, but one word out of place and all goes hay wire again. I could say something that don't mean anything to anyone and it will be twisted into something big. That's the trouble when someone has Bipolar, they just fly off the handle for no particular reason but someone with Bipolar would see things quite differently than someone who hasn't got Bipolar.

Tuesday, 3 November 2015

Spruce Up

Its a miserable day outside today. It is raining cats and dogs. No shops today!

? has got a mood on again this morning when he got here. I hope he ain't going to want to pick and moan at me again today. He has been getting me down a lot lately with all of his moan and groans aimed at me. Life is bad enough without him having ago all the time.

I feel ok in myself this morning so, today I think I will do a few light chores only ones that I can manage of course. I might spruce up my bedroom and go through the draws and throw some things out that look drab and passed its sell by date. I've been meaning to do that for sometime now but haven't got round to doing it.

I think its about time I ordered myself some clothes from the catologue. If I don't order now I won't get what I want as Christmas is getting near. 

Health Problems

? hasn't taken any of his medication for Bipolar since 7/10/15. His manner has worsened greatly but, he can't see it. He is verbally abusive, intimidating and patronizing not only to me and others around him but to people he don't know in the street. And the aggression he has in him is really bad. In some ways he comes across as evil. Its like something you would read about in a horror book.

I went along to see the C.O.P.D. nurse Wednesday this week. I told her about how I am feeling and what is happening to me. My memory issues are worsening. I'm having good days and bad days but, some of the issues seem to be there a lot more and on a daily basis. I am worried about all of this because it is affecting my confidence in myself. I'm getting like a 3 second memory and its gone. Sometimes, I can't remember what I have done throughout the day, my mind feels like mush...a lot! And, I feel lost too.
The C.O.P.D. respiratory test is in normal range so I am pleased about that. Although I have got to have an X-Ray which I've booked for Monday 2/11/15 and I've also got to have a blood test and urine test which I will have another day next week too.

Tuesday 03/11/15  

? has been put on antibiotics because he has got a bad chest infection. He seems to be a lot better in himself and less argumentative, he is still intimidating and patronizing but, not so much. He is a bad patient and makes everyone know he is unwell in more ways than one

I had my X-Ray done yesterday. The Nurse thinks I might have a chest infection too. I've yet to have my blood and water test done. I will have them done next week because I've got to fast and I keep forgetting to fast.
I keep sort of coughing, like clearing my throat but, I don't feel like I have a chest infection though!?

Contractor Visitors Today...Oh No! Change Of Contractors Appointment

Contractors for the council are coming round today to measure up the bathroom and kitchen to be renewed.
They are going to put a wet-room in my bathroom and all new kitchen cupboards.
My house has never been updated since I've been here (over 25 years) so, I'm happy to be having this work done. Not looking forward to all the mess the workmen will make though. There's always mess when work is done anyway so I'm not complaining really. 
Oh Dear! got to get ready now for my contractor visitors...sigh! Feeling stressed already.

Ok! Just got a phone call from the contractors. It seems that no-one will be here today because they're designer hasn't turned up for work today and they have made another appointment for Tuesday week.
Now I'm feeling confused, stressed and, let down all at once. I am wondering whether to have this work done to my house or not. As I see it is, if they're having problems getting round to arrange the work to be done, what about the workmen themselves, will they let me down too and it will be weeks before its all done and dusted!?? Then I will be a right confused and stressful state.